Acceptance Revisited
Recently, someone posted on a stuttering list-serve the following:
[A] person can totally accept himself or herself and dislike the
severity of their stutter, and work to change it.
This doesn't seem possible to me.
Doesn't true acceptance include accepting every part of you, warts and all? Wouldn't true acceptance require one to accept the fact that he or she stutters and even the severity of their stutter?
Perhaps the issue boils down to whether my stuttering and its severity is a part of me, like my physical appearance, my personality, etc., or simply something I do, like walking down the street or riding a bicycle.
The poster appears to put stuttering on the "something I do" side, separate from me as a person, so I can accept myself (i.e., a being who doesn't stutter) and at the same time work to change something I do (i.e., the stuttering).
But I think my stuttering and its severity is the way I do something and I think that falls more on the side of "something that's a part of me." After all, I do walking, but how I walk—length of steps, weight of my feet—is one of many characteristics that makes me who I am.
So, for me anyway, as I strive to gain greater acceptance of myself, that acceptance has to include my stuttering and its severity. Disliking it is not an option.
[A] person can totally accept himself or herself and dislike the
severity of their stutter, and work to change it.
This doesn't seem possible to me.
Doesn't true acceptance include accepting every part of you, warts and all? Wouldn't true acceptance require one to accept the fact that he or she stutters and even the severity of their stutter?
Perhaps the issue boils down to whether my stuttering and its severity is a part of me, like my physical appearance, my personality, etc., or simply something I do, like walking down the street or riding a bicycle.
The poster appears to put stuttering on the "something I do" side, separate from me as a person, so I can accept myself (i.e., a being who doesn't stutter) and at the same time work to change something I do (i.e., the stuttering).
But I think my stuttering and its severity is the way I do something and I think that falls more on the side of "something that's a part of me." After all, I do walking, but how I walk—length of steps, weight of my feet—is one of many characteristics that makes me who I am.
So, for me anyway, as I strive to gain greater acceptance of myself, that acceptance has to include my stuttering and its severity. Disliking it is not an option.
posted by Closet Stutterer at 12:50 PM
2 Comments:
You said: "Doesn't true acceptance include accepting every part of you, warts and all?"
Does one have to accept flaws in order to be totally okay with him or herself? Not necessarily. Correctable flaws aren't part and parcel of our identity. I think the pivotal point here is that we have to learn to discern between flaws that we can correct...and ones which we are stuck with. :)
Very good point.
I guess the question is what kind of "flaw" is my stutter?
I can certainly change the way I view my stutter and possibly I can change the way I stutter (by not struggling so much, etc.), but can I change the fact that I stutter?
I really don't know.
Thank you for making me think.
Sophie
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