Face Your Feared Sounds
Countless times, I've heard the suggestion to "face your fears." Usually it's in the context of a feared event or situation.
Could it also apply to feared sounds, though?
I've noticed that when I'm coming up to a feared letter, in my mind, I cringe, try to sail past it spending as little time on the letter as possible, and almost inevitably land flat on top of it unable to move forward.
Recently, I decided to see what would happen if, instead, I face the feared sound head-on. So now, when I see a feared sound approaching, I focus on that feared letter, give myself a pep-talk, and then really hold onto the letter when it comes. Amazingly, more often than not, the feared sound and the sounds after it come out smoothly.
Another trick or gimmick?
Maybe. I guess time will tell.
Could it also apply to feared sounds, though?
I've noticed that when I'm coming up to a feared letter, in my mind, I cringe, try to sail past it spending as little time on the letter as possible, and almost inevitably land flat on top of it unable to move forward.
Recently, I decided to see what would happen if, instead, I face the feared sound head-on. So now, when I see a feared sound approaching, I focus on that feared letter, give myself a pep-talk, and then really hold onto the letter when it comes. Amazingly, more often than not, the feared sound and the sounds after it come out smoothly.
Another trick or gimmick?
Maybe. I guess time will tell.
posted by Closet Stutterer at 2:48 PM
3 Comments:
i think you are right. i had an interview today for (i am an architect) and i was talking about the architect Bart Prince. i thought i might stutter on his name and i did but for the first time in the company of strangers i confidently said b-b-bart prince with composure. the HR lady in the interview jerked her head back at my stuttering but quickly recovered when i was calm and continued my sentence fluidly. up until that moment i had been completely fluent. she looked at the table for a second and came right back to the conversation. it was nice to just not give a shit what they thought. i am confident in my abilities and think they will offer me the job. i used to fear my stutter and hope to forget it so i could be distracted and not stutter but i am learning to accept it and just notice it. so now instead of fearing it and hoping for distraction to get me thru the situation, i accept my stutter and let go of the judgement when i do stutter. i am starting to find that people recover much more quickly from you stuttering and accepting it and then getting on with speaking than they do when you struggle and then kind of speak fluently yet distracted. my girlfriend observed that people recoil at my anticipation and fear of stuttering more than they do when i actually stutter. in fact, sometimes i struggle in anticipation and then dont actually stutter and they think i am a freak, yet when i stutter with comfort they accept it. she says when i am about to order a bbburger at a restaurant, i fidget so much before the words come out (and usually fluently) that the waitress looks concerned. sometimes i think we make it up...we dont actually stutter, we just fear that we might and then we do...and that satisfies our fear enough to do it again. that's insanity. bla bla bla...bye
not a trick
ok, one more comment and then i will shut up. i have been noticing a pattern in your "fear" and then "distraction" as you realize that when you act you dont seem to stutter.
i made a diagram that i wish i could post here but will try to explain instead:
this is just based on experience, but i have been finding that when i "fear" a stutter, and obviously struggle to avoid it when i speak - by "distraction" or some other trick, the reaction of the listener is generally "alarm" regardless of whether or not i stutter.
on the other hand when i "accept" that i might stutter and "let go" of the struggle to not stutter when i speak, the reaction of the listener is generally a "curious pondering"
in the first case i am freaking out whether or not i stutter, and even if i dont, they look at me like they should get me a doctor or something...and then they look at the other person to try and figure out what is going on...in the restaurant case, i am trying to order a burger and freak out, speak fluently, and the waitress looks with concern at my girlfriend for a clue as to what is going on.
in the second case, i am calm and dont fight to be something i am not, i speak and dont judge what happens when i open my mouth, and if i do sutter the listener hears what i am saying and maybe pauses for a second to grasp what is going on if i stutter severly, but if i just say "b-b-burger" it is not a big deal because everyone does that sometimes. if is say "b-b-burger" and then laugh at myself and even make a joke about how "i am having trouble speaking" it makes any discomfort they have to go away.
phew!
that was long-winded, but thank you for letting me think out loud. i am starting to get it i think.
i really enjoy your blog sophie. you are getting it too. i dont think it's a trick though. we know how to speak, we just have to remember how.
there is no trick...only awareness
there is no practice, only life
and as yoda said "there is no try, there is only do" (try implies immediate failure)
Hi Andrew,
Congratulations on a good interview!
Many thank yous for taking the time to write all this. Please don't "shut up." I find your comments very insightful and helpful.
I agree with everything you say. I used to think that it was my listeners' and society's general lack of understanding of stuttering that made my stutter into such a "problem." But really my listeners' reactions and society's reaction to my stutter is merely a reflection of my own reaction to it.
If I'm not bothered by it, then no one else will be bothered either. And that's quite comforting to know.
Difficult to implement at times but comforting nonetheless.
Thank you again!
Sophie
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